I haven’t pooped in days!

Well sorry, but I just had to tell someone! You see this is just an example of something NO ONE ever told me could happen after pregnancy!

Seriously, it may be the most AMAZING process known to man kind, and I’ve gotta admit it’s bloody awesome, BUT, perhaps pregnancy should come with somewhat of a GIANT warning of things that you never expected to happen!

Three months post the arrival of my beautiful twin boys and I have to say I don’t exactly look all Kim Kardashian in my selfie! I don’t know how the celebs do it, it must be that super human gene but my body aint looking like Kimmie’s right now!




Now call me shallow (I’ll bare that) but I’ll openly admit things are just not the same! I can’t poo properly and have been battling fissures and haemorrhoids since I started breast feeding. Talking of breast feeding, I ended up with engorgement so had boobs the size of Mt Everest which caused me severe back pain 24/7 despite the worlds most amazing maternity bra! And thats not the worst….My boobs have stretch marks! Yes I repeat boobs and stretch marks…it’s a thing!

I didn’t even know that was possible but if you make enough milk to represent a jersey cow, turns out they get stretch marks too which lets face it now, means they will NEVER return to normal!

Talking of stretch marks, my stomach now resembles a piece of streaky bacon! And as the body starts to deflate, the stretchies just become…weird looking! Did I mention the pod that has deposited itself on my belly?? So much for being uterus expansion….it becomes big quickly but it doesn’t go small! Ok I know I know every woman puts on weight during a pregnancy and with a little bit of work you can get it back but seriously where on earth am I meant to find the time to exercise properly when I’m trying to establish how two pint size humans manage to make soooo much noise with out apparent reason?

my former glory #hospitalstyle 

One more thing….I had a caesar (don’t roll your eyes there was no other way out) and credit to my obstetrician for the MOST amazing incision ever but…caesar scars really really hurt! They take a long time to heal and it’s a full time job remembering to put cream on it!

Heading for 12 months since I pee’d on a stick and had the shock of my life and I can conclude that not an element of my body feels the same. My digestion is shot to pieces thanks to the heart burn I had, my body looks like a de-flated blow up doll and as we established I still can’t poo properly!

So I don’t know how Kimmy K did it in the #selfie that stopped a small part of the population who have nothing better on, but I tell you she and I recover in really different ways!

Despite my boobs that are heading to ground, my curves in all the wrong places and my on-going digestion issues I’ve gotta give my body 10 points for delivering the most adorable twinnies into the world.

To my body – good on ya mate! You’ve fought a fair battle and I’m proud of how you are! Now just back to the toilet for a moment….

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